What Autism Means to Me

By Mariam Khan

Autism means more to me than a solid diagnosis. It means more than being “less intelligent”. To me, autism is a wide spectrum that just goes to show how diverse and varying each person can be.

     A few years ago, after my brother came back home from school, my mother told our family that he had autism. Everyone suddenly froze and winced at this news (even me, unfortunately). She sighed in utter disappointment as she went on to make us swear that we would not tell anyone. Not our family friends, not our friends at school, and not even our extended family back home in Pakistan. My mother was determined to hide this diagnosis and “fix” my brother.

     To her, autism was a clear mark, a flashing light, a red target on my brother’s head that indicated that he was a dumb and unusual child. It was a stigma she wanted erased from our family’s name, so that we would not be shamed or talked down on in our South Asian culture. 

     My brother is slightly on the moderate side of the spectrum, which means that he can talk and play as usual, but sometimes has trouble expressing his words and does repetitive behaviors that are seen as unusual and weird to others. He’s extremely social and wants to greet everyone he sees at the grocery store or at the playground. He smiles, says “Hi!” with his cheerful voice, and all the adults around him melt, and most kids his age smile back. However, he has been made fun of and looked at as weird for things that aren’t his fault. He repeats the same questions over and over again, laughs hysterically out of nowhere, struggles to understand social cues, and he gets made fun of for no reason. 

     I have never fully grasped the fact that he has autism. Even today, I have ever seen my brother as “autistic,” not in a negative way like my mom did. I have always seen him as a happy and carefree child, one that was just enjoying his days. I see him as someone who cheers me up and runs to smile and hug me after an exhausting day at school. I see him as someone who is passionate about his Hot Wheels cars and his basketball hoop. 

    Autism has made my brother who he is today. It’s formed his lively and bubbly personality that never fails to make us laugh. Every day I’m with him, it’s never a dull moment, wherever I am. Even though he often makes me upset, the number of times he’s made me laugh has tripled that.